Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize