apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
