so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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