I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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