i already hear my dad disowning me
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize