Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
