how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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