I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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