Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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