but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize