Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
