I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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