when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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