I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
