I can text with my tongue
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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