It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Randomize
