I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
