the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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