Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
two words: eviction party
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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