So drunk its hurt
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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