Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Shame - the story of my life.
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