I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
We had sex on a dog bed..
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
