Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize