Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
