I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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