All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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