when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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