You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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