You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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