where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
