i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
