sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
