you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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