I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
