I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
