He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
