remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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