moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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