Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
