Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
he quoted the bible to break up with me
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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