wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
