I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
