my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
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