the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
