We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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