I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
