I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
