I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
