can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
