the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
