you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize