dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
