so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
