i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
