i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
