so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
