He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
