I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
