I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
