If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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