You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
This house was built for laser tag.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
