You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize