cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
