I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
