I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
