weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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